Equine Divine Intervention

I have never been a naturally thin person. While many of my friends are just now starting to have slower metabolism, I've struggled with weight my whole life. I was 10 pounds at birth, and from that moment on, I had to exercise and watch everything I eat. And it is an every day struggle. I'm not a fan of exercise. I love sweets. Food is a band-aid to all my ills.

It was easier once upon a time to stay thinner, as my Mom cooked all our meals, and I was heavily involved in softball and school activities. I didn't have time to think about eating as much....heck, I barely had time to scarf down a granola bar before heading out to my next activity. And the summer I graduated high school, I ended up on the best diet ever...mono. I lost 10 pounds in two and a half weeks, and spent six months trying to get my appetite back. At 5'9, I was down to 128 pounds. Very skinny...very exciting. :)

But then it caught up to me. Between the pressures of school, my mother's cancer, and a bad relationship, I ballooned to 200 pounds. I was a size 18, fat, unhappy, and (to be honest) ugly. So after four years of feeling disgusting and depressed, I broke up with the boy, and lost 40 pounds in two years. It would take the loss of my mother (and the knowledge that I too could head down the same path if I didn't eat and exercise better) before I would lose the other 20. I managed to stay thin for a year, and then I started gaining again. This time, it was purely because I was in love, and my (now) husband and I both ate our weight in whatever we wanted.

I am now not quite as bad off as before, but still unhappy with my body. This time, it has been hard to get motivated. My wedding didn't make me want to lose weight. I all but abandoned my fears of cancer and started eating sweets and red meat again. Even the thought of wanting to get pregnant someday wasn't really enough. I was frustrated. What would it take?

Then I met a horse named Clinton.

Clinton is a warmblood who is trained in classical Dressage. To get him to perfectly execute the Dressage movements in the arena, you have to have incredible leg strength, a tight core, great posture, and intense upper body strength. I have ridden him a few times now, and it takes all I have to get him to make circles in the arena, with his neck arched and body bended. But being this weight, and being this weak, will not help me improve my riding. And more than anything, I want a blue ribbon.

So instead of stressing myself out about a pant size, my goal is to show Clinton. To win that blue ribbon. To be strong and secure and become one in the Dressage arena. And one day, become a Grand Prix rider. Did you know that most Olympic Dressage riders are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s? I know I have the talent and the want....now its time to have the strength to make it happen. So I am eating right, and working out every day, in addition to two riding lessons a week. It's long, hard, frustrating work, but I am determined. And every lesson that my instructor doesn't have to yell at me ("head up! heels down! hands quiet! round him out! on the bit!"), and every lesson Clinton and I are connected, is one more victory. One step closer to showing.

Because for me, being skinny isn't important anymore. Being a great and elegant rider, is.

Michelle

(Below is Anky Van Grunsven, multiple gold medalist in Dressage. I'd love to be her one day!)